Friday, November 28, 2008

So Long, Vic Mackey

The final episode of “The Shield” aired Tuesday night. I won’t ruin it for those who haven’t watched it yet, but I was a little disappointed. There was no twist at the end, no real jaw dropper. Continuing a pattern that has been going on for the last two years of the show, everything was neatly wrapped up by show’s end. Don’t get me wrong, the “Sopranos” finale sucked. At least the writers on “The Shield” tried to have some closure for the seven years that I’ve invested in watching it.

The show started seven years ago, and from day one it was like no other cop show. As lead protagonist/antagonist, Vic Mackey might say, “It was a different kind of a cop show.”
Much like Tony Soprano, Vic Mackey was the anti-hero. Even after doing all kinds of bad deeds, including murder, you found yourself mesmerized and wondering what he would do next.

Even though “The Shield” had fallen off a little in the last two seasons, it was one of the few non-sports TV programs that I tried to catch each week. The memorable characters will long be remembered. Vic’s Strike Team of Shane, Lem, and Ronnie. The good cops, Dutch, Claudette, Julian, Danni. Gangbangers, The Biz Lats, the One-Niners. Great season long guest stars, Forrest Whitaker, and Glenn Close. Bad guys, Antoine Mitchell, the Armadillo, the Armenians, and many others.

If you haven’t seen the show, I highly recommend watching the DVDs starting with season one, episode one. You won’t be disappointed. One more thing if you haven’t seen it yet, don’t expect “The Wire.” “Wire” is great, it’s nothing like “The Shield” though

Friday, November 7, 2008

Jags vs Browns

The following takes place between 8am and 8pm last Sunday.

8:31am….I Call my brother to see if he wants to go to the Jags/Browns NFL game.

8:35….I hear the unmistakable metallic sound of a Red and White (Budweiser, fool) being popped open---it’s not his first of the day. So I know he’s in.

9:12….I have some unfinished business from last night to take care of.

9:14….Unfinished business now finished, I drop her off at her dorm, and make a couple of pre-game stops.

10:51….Arrive at my brother’s place. Way out in the woods of Northeast Florida. If you drive the ¼ mile dirt driveway all the way up to his house you must know him. Or, perhaps, just have a warrant*kidding*.

11:01….I bury my first Bloody Mary. Clamato Juice, Old Bay seasoning, and the Goose. That’s the way to pound a 32oz. Bloody Mary. When the Vodka runs out, Clamato and Bud Light are pretty damn good.

12:16pm….We’re watching NFL pre-game shows and NASCAR pre-race shows. Is Boomer Esiason the only one who knows the game? How are Terry Bradshaw and Jimmy Spencer still on TV?

1:45….After watching most of the first half of some bad NFL game---the race still hasn’t started---we head to Freakville for the Jags 4pm kickoff.

2:41….Dude didn’t have any parking spots left at his house, so we’re parked at the church across the street for $20. We sit here for about 30 minutes watching the race on the portable TV. I call my boy, P-Diddy (not that one, fool) from Charleston to see if he’s at the game. He is, we’ll grab a drink inside the stadium with him. A cooler full of beer and no port-o-lets at the church take their toll. So, we head the 200 yards to the stadium.

3:33….I break a cardinal rule and buy tickets from the first scalper I see. It works out this time, though. Two, $58 tix for $25 apiece. We won’t be sitting in them anyway.

3:55…We are inside the Bud Zone above the South end zone. Surprisingly, it’s not too crowded. You can actually walk through there without rubbing your arms all in some stripper’s Tetons. Damn!

4:01….Out onto the Bud Zone patio overlooking the Southwest corner of the end zone just in time for kickoff. We have a cool little crew surrounding us, two tall, dreadlocked bros to my left who continuously yell “Bluuu”. They think it’s hilarious when I yell “Blahhh” in return. Directly in front of us we have one big redneck, his girl, and three strippers, old strippers, but still putting it out there. Who am I to judge?

4:32….I look at my phone and see 4 missed calls from P-Diddy. I go down to field level to use the facilities and my phone.

4:56….Still can’t reach Diddy. I know, I’ll call that #1 Browns’ fan---JOKERSWILD---.

5:05….Damn, Browns have scored again. I walk through the tunnel right past some rent-a-cops, until I’m up against the short chain link fence at the back of the end zone. Browns are kicking off right in front of me. I call JOKERSWILD and we either got cut off or he hung up on me. I redial, he answers, and now there’s a hand on my shoulder. One of the guards figured out I wasn’t supposed to be on the field right as I was telling JW to look for me in the end zone. As I was listening to the guard, JW was asking me if I was being kicked out of the stadium. I told him, “no, just off the field.”

5:30…. Back upstairs I run into P-Diddy and his crew. We drink a couple more cocktails and Diddy and one of his partners come join my group on the patio.

6:22….*Actual Game Alert* Jags kicker, Josh Scobee runs down Browns alleged all-pro return man, and makes vicious tackle.

It all gets hazy after this. I heard that the Browns won. I do remember that I was trying to sell CDs for the dreadlocked bros to any hotts that passed by. I also remember the bros had a camera and were getting some nice mountain scenery. Except for that one old stripper who didn’t want her pic with me. Imagine that. I told her don’t expect me to show up during the day shift to tip her. I also remember the ride home, so everything worked out.

Fish Daddy

Fish Daddy had a little house that his mom left him in rural Va. Beach. It originally was called the ‘Marsh Hut’, but its name was changed to the ‘Cut Hut’ during the 80s. Fish Daddy was dealing and had a voracious appetite for his product, which was the ‘whitey’, cocaine. This led to him cutting his product as much as he could with whatever was available. Thus, the ‘Cut Hut’. During this high time Fish Daddy was also referred to as “Boots” due to all the stomping he did on the coke.

The Cut Hut burnt to the ground one day due to Fish Daddy’s father doing some soldering on the old copper pipes. Money jars were set up in the local bars and businesses to help Fish Daddy out. Guess what he spent all the money on? Someone gave Fish Daddy a camper trailer. The kind you pull behind a car. About six feet wide and 12 feet long. Fish Daddy set it up in the yard in front of the charred ruins of the house. Somehow he got a temporary power pole set up beside the trailer, so he had electricity.

Fish Daddy had a steady girlfriend at this time, and she looked pretty good until she started staying up for days free basing. To this day Fish Daddy swears that the girlfriend burnt the camper trailer to the ground during a binge. No big deal, Fish Daddy got another free trailer. Smaller than the first one, though. This second trailer didn’t last as long as the first one. Yes, it too was destroyed by fire. That was enough for the City of Virginia Beach, they condemned the property, Fish Daddy moved on, and the land was eventually sold for back taxes.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Spitzed Off

Mark Spitz is crying because no one invited him---paid his way---to the Olympics to watch Michael Phelps try to meet or beat his record, seven gold medals. Spitz thinks that NBC, or the IOC, or somebody damnit, should have brought him along to China.

"I never got invited. You don't go to the Olympics just to say, I am going to go. Especially because of who I am," Spitz told AFP in Hong Kong. "I am going to sit there and watch Michael Phelps break my record anonymously? That's almost demeaning to me. It is not almost...it is."

I guess when you've won seven golds, 36 years ago, you can have a pretty high opinion of yourself. Then again when was the last time this guy had a chance to get back in the spotlight?

"They voted me one of the top five Olympians in all time. Some of them are dead. But they invited the other ones to go to the Olympics, but not me," he said. "Yes, I am a bit upset about it. I won seven events. If they had the 50m freestyle back then, which they do now, I probably would have won that too," he boasted.

Spitz thinks that it would have been a good idea for him to present the record breaking gold medals to Phelps. Gee, Mark, I wonder how much you could have charged for pictures of that, autographed of course. Spitz also shared the secret of Phelps' success, "He's almost identical to me. He's a world-record holder in all these events, so he is dominating the events just like I did," Spitz bragged. "He reminds me of myself."

I think we can all see why they didn't invite you, Mark. Let go of it, bro. Your time was 30 some years ago. No one likes to see some old dude trying to hang on to his past glories. What's next, you try and kiss Suzie Kolber at poolside? You were a great champion...act like one.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Road Trip, Part I

This took place back in the mid 1980s. My best friend and fellow skirt chaser, Jay, and I drove to Tampa. We left Va Beach to go visit his son for Christmas. The son was about 6 then, and his mother was a stripper.

We had every intention of being in Tampa, at the whore and her kid's house for Christmas morning. We didn't make it until the day after Christmas. Don't remember why we were so late leaving Va Beach, but I remember it was about 3pm on Christmas Day when we pulled off I-95 into Fayetville, NC. Not even half way, and we got a motel room there.

Oh, yeah, funny thing happened on I-95 in NC. Jay had to piss, and I wouldn't stop. I was driving a Ford van that had a sliding door on the side. I told him to climb in the back, crack the door open, and piss at 70 MPH. I'll never forget looking in my mirror and seeing a car loaded with a family on holiday, have to turn on their windshield wipers on a sunny day.

Anyway, back to Fayet Nam. We rode around for a while looking for somewhere to eat supper. Everything was closed for Christmas. We finally found a Chinese or Japanese place where they cooked the shit right at your table. We were their only customers, and they put on a hell of a show for us. The chef is still the best table chef I've ever seen. The people that ran the restaurant were great. They gave us some ivory chopsticks as Christmas presents.

After eating, and back then it was probably the first time in a couple of days, we went to see if there was any night life in Fayetville. There were a couple of places open. One joint had topless bartenders, and all they could sell was draft beer. Another place was a rock band club. That's where all the off duty strippers hang out. Probably still do. I remember hooking up with some rock slut with a weird stripper name. Some Indian shit, or something. Being in Fayetville, all the dudes in there were Army guys. So two long haired guys from out of town could hook up with no problem.

The next morning---I think---we headed on to Tampa.

to be continued............

Saturday, July 5, 2008

My New Racing Column at SRM

And, I'm back. Haven't been on here in a while. Not that I've been too busy or anything. Just lazy, maybe a little depressed. Don't know why either. I'm still in Memphis. Planning on driving back to Charleston in the next couple of weeks. I've almost wrapped up my project here, but there are some add ons that I could hang around for.

I've been posting regularly at foxsportsblogs.com . My blog there is Copperhead Road, and my screen name is Hanahan. I put up a couple of NASCAR posts a week there. I have somewhat of a following there, and it's pretty fun to interact with the different readers. And they have a lot of readers at foxsports. Worldwide---Australia, New Zealand, England, Canada, Columbia, I've heard from all of them. I also have a sports blog at realsportsbloggers.com. My blog there is called The Strike Team, and my screen name is Mackey. Mainly just reposts the same blogs from Fox, although I do some just for them.

Which brings me to my latest news. I've been asked to do a couple of columns a week for sportsreviewmagazine.com. They're revamping the online mag next month and I'll be a part of it. A chance to work with some pros and maybe even make a little money down the road. SRM started as a glossy mag back in 1941. it's been bought out a couple of times, and went electronic in the early 2000s. They have several pro athletes, and sports related businessmen writing for them now. I'll be doing something tenatively titled, The SRM Motorsport Report. Focusing mainly on NASCAR, but as the name suggests, different types of racing from time to time also.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Men vs Women II

More info on the battle of the sexes. This is concerning what to do if you end up involved with a bat shit crazy bitch. First, all women are irrational---compared to men---and maybe a little crazy. That's to be expected. The price of getting laid, you might say. The bat shit crazy bitch is entirely different than your average woman .

The BSCB may start her relationship with you seeming like a normal young lady. She will show signs over the course of the relationship that she is, in fact, BSC. The only reddeming quality of th BSCB is the sex. Crazy bitches are the best in bed. I mean the best. They will do anything, and I do mean anything for you in bed.

The problem is getting rid of them. This can be messy. Most of the time it is, and worse. I'm talking about having to call the cops messy. More than once. The sex is so good you may try and break up, but yet keep hitting it also. Uh uh. Not gonna work.

Most of the time to break up with a BSCB you have to disappear. Stay somewhere else. Don't answer your phone. And, no matter what, Do Not sleep with her.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Men vs Women

This should become and ongoing series in the differences between the sexes, and life lessons learned by me about women.

This has happened to every guy you know, including yourself. We have all been used by a woman because we foolishly held out hope that she was going to give it up sooner or later. Let me guess. You're still waiting to hit that, aren't you? When they meet a guy, women decide in the first three minutes if they're going to sleep with him. Guys aren't that discriminating. Just because we wouldn't sleep with her sober, doesn't mean we won't tap it on a drunken early morning.


A recent survey said that a girl will use eight guys for every one guy that she sleeps with. Those eight chumps are all guys she would never bang. So with an 8 to 1 ratio, that means most girls these days have used over 100 men. While all the men got was a whiff of perfume.

It didn't say what constituted 'using' a man. I'll take a few guesses and you can check the list for the ones you've happily done without getting any stank from that skank.

1. Doing homework for her. Hey they start early
2. Giving her rides, or worse, letting her borrow your car.
3. Taking her out to eat.
4. Buying drinks for her. On more than one occasion.
5. Babysat for her. Even worse if she's on a date while you do this.
6. Gave her drugs for free.
7. Helped her move. Don't tell me she moved in with you, and still wouldn't give it up.
8. Loaned her money. Let me guess, she hasn't paid you back yet.
9. Met her parents. If you met them before sleeping with her, guess what? Not gonna happen.

Women will talk shit about strippers, yet they will do everything on this list and think that they're doing nothing wrong. This is a lot worse. At least with a stripper, you know up front what your chances of scoring are. Slim and none.

For any women reading, don't give me that, 'we thought you wanted to just be friends shit.' Let me make it very clear right now....men don't want women just to be friends! The only reason we put up with your crazy ass shit is we love sex! But, you already knew that didn't you? You know that's why you can get away with using us. Well, I'm spreading the word about this using of men. Men let's stand united on this. Stop doing shit for her with no chance of a payoff. These men using bitches need to hear the word no.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Man's Best Friend Joke

If you really want to find out who man's best friend is, lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car.

Open the trunk an hour later.

Which one is happy to see you?

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I have season tickets to the Jacksonville Jaguars football games. I live in S. Carolina, about a three and a half hour drive to the stadium. But, my father lives in Fernandina, FL, about a 30 minute drive away. So we can stay there, and not rush to get to the game.

Jacksonville Municipal Stadium is a great place to watch football. It sits on the St. Johns riverbank,and sometimes gets a nice water breeze. There is a large bar in the south end zone called the Bud Zone. The Roof of the Bud Zone is a large concrete patio that also holds the south scoreboard. This patio is where I spend most of my time during games. They have little beer kiosks and tiki bars that serve mixed drinks. The girls in this patio area are unbelievable. Wow! I bet the strip clubs in J'ville are pretty empty on Sundays, because all their girls are at the Jag games on the patio.

This is definetely one of the main reasons to go to Jag games. Hot, drunk, half dressed girls doing the things that hot, drunk, half dressed girls do that make us love them. They don't call Jacksonville, Freakville for nothing.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Global Warming is Over

The global warming scam is going down. Going down like the Earth's temperature. Going down like an overloaded elevator. Going down like your little sister. Al Gore and Michael Moore better start working on the next left wing load of horse shit. Sure boys, go ahead to Europe, and bring back the secular progressive flavor of the month. Anything to try and cripple our capitalistic system. Bring it on fat boys.

According to the four major weather tracking agencies in the world, the Earth's temperature has went down in the last year. It has went down almost one degree. That's as much as it had went up in the last 100 years. One hundred years of global warming gone in 12 months.

Just in the last 12 months it has snowed for the first time ever in Bagdad, had record deadly blizzards in China, The most snowfall ever recorded in Wisconsin, snowed in Johannesburg, and all of the Arctic sea ice has returned. I'm sure Al will be back there, again in August, to see if he can get a picture of a polar bear on an ice floe.

Global warming was a big scam anyway. Never had enough scientific proof to be called a theory. That's why the liberals tried to call it a consensus. It was a hoax bought into by the people who want a weak USA. They want the USA to cut back on progress, industry, improvements, burning fossil fuels. But, the rest of the world gets a pass? Oh, Hell No!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Favorite Blogs

I just started blogging on New Years Day 2008. I have a sports blog at Fox Sports. com. The name of my blog is Country O.G. , and my handle is countryjag. Check it out for rants on the NFL and NASCAR.

One of my favorite blogs is Rantvillereborn.blogspot.com. A guy named Jimmy is the Mayor of Rantville, and he tells it like it is. Check him out for great rants on a wide variety of subjects. He's the man.

If you have any favorite blogs let me know, I'll spread the word.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dumbass of the Week 2-11-08

Another sports related Dumbass of the Week. This past week was national signing day. Feb. 6th was the first day that high school football players could sign a letter of intent to attend a university. This somehow has become a big deal over the last few years. High school kids actually have press conferences---some televised live---to announce which college is giving them a scholarship.

Which brings us to Kevin Hart of Fernley, NV. He held a press conference at Fernley High to announce that he was signing with Cal over Oregon. Problem was, Cal's coaches had never heard of Hart. Neither had any of the other schools that he said were recruiting him.

No, I'm not going to give a high school kid the prestigious DOTW award. Hell, I like what he did. His parents are the DOTW. How could your son be accepting an offer to go off to school on scholarship and you have never even talked to his coach? Aren't most parents involved in where their son is going to college? I've never recieved a scholarship, but I think that a kid under 18 would have to have his parents sign some papers to allow him to attend on scholarship.

Congrats to the Hart family for earning the coveted DOTW.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Dumbass of the Week 1-28-08

It's difficult to name a 19 year old kid as the first Full Clip Dumbass of the Week, but he's old enough to know better. Luke Caparelli is a running back at Wake Forest. On Jan. 13 he wrote on his Facebook page that he would "blow up campus."

Luke you're are first DOW because you are a dumbass. Everyone knows you really weren't going to do it. So why write such stupid shit? Only a true dumbass would do this. Yes, we were all 19 once, but most dumbass 19 year olds grow up to be dumbasses for life. So age is not a factor in determining the DOW.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Barack Obama reminds me of...

Just who is it that Obama reminds you of? Can't quite put your finger on it can you?

The bass voice, the inflection, the cadence, and the catch phrases? How about former pro wrestler Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson! That's right The Rock! Obama realizes how popular the wrestler turned action movie star is, and decided that he could do worse than The Rock for his role model.

In my opinion Obama is pinning his whole campaign on sounding like another mixed race, larger than life actor. The problem is that most fan's of The Rock would already be voting for Obama anyway. What he needs to be doing is charming the pants off of the women voters. Hillary probably thinks she has them sewn up, but I know women, and they will fall for the old insincere charm. It worked for Bill didn't it?

The Clintons will destroy Obama's career if that's what it takes to get the nomination. Not that Obama has much of a record himself, but he needs to expose Hillary's failings in public office. He would be foolish not to. Unless he's already resigned himself to being her vice prez. If so he can kiss his future in politics goodbye.

His running as Hill's VP would probably insure a victory. But, HC in office for four years would destroy everyone and everything around her, effectively ending Obama' public life. It would be much better for him to get the publicity this election, and then run in four years. Either way, by then Hill will be finished. Then it would be time to...smell...what...Barack...is...cooking!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Four Way

No not that kind of four way. A four way stop sign. Raise your hands if you know how to negotiate one. Not bad. For those that don't listen up.

Stop at the stop sign.
If there are other cars sitting at their sign, they go first. Which leads me to the most important part.
If you are sitting at the sign, and I'm 100 yards down the road, approaching my sign, GO. You don't have to sit there and wait for me to come to a complete halt.

Next how to use a traffic circle.

Comanche Moon?

Un-friggin-watchable. WTF was this supposed to be? Usually when TV is this bad, it's at least funny. Not this.

You just about have to start and end with Val Kilmer. His character was a cross between his Jim Morrison and Tom Hank's castaway. Totaly unlikeable and unbelievable. No wonder he's been MIA for so long.

Steve Zahn in the Duval part of Gus McCrae. Probably the best in the movie, but still embarassing. He had down a few of Gus/Duval's mannerisms, but they came and went at will.

The writing was worse than mine. How's that for bad? Larry McMurtry supposedley had a hand in the writing. I'm hoping it was just a big bucks credit to lure in some suckers. Worked on me.